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Why is it so Hard to Change?
We often feel that we want to make a change in our life, but why is it so hard to change? We make a decision and even have a plan. Some of us throw ourselves in, with great enthusiasm. We sign up at a gym, start a diet, look for a new job, go out to meet people and find the ‘love of our life.’ A few weeks later when we don’t see instant results, we tend to give up and just go back to our normal habitual patterns. It feels safer to stick to what we know and our usual routines. Change can be scary and uncomfortable.
You might just feel stuck and don’t know what direction you really want to go in. You may decide to get some support to find more meaning or your true path in life. Or you feel down and depressed, bored, anxious or out of control. A qualified and experienced Process Oriented Psychologist or therapist can support you to ‘put your life back on track’ or help you create a life that you really wish for’
“The only constant is change.” Heraclitus.
Change is a process. Actually change happens all the time, but somehow we don’t seem to notice it. We think that our life is constant unless we experience a sudden crisis, either mentally, physically, emotionally or psychologically. However it is change which is constant, not the other way round.
You have to make a clear decision and have a focused plan of action about the change you want to make. Focus on one goal at a time as this works better or have a few manageable goals. Otherwise you will go into overwhelm and give up.
When you have a realistic and achievable plan of action, follow through and don’t stop whether you are getting results or not. The time frame will not necessarily happen as you think it should.
“The world as we have created it is a process of our thinking. It cannot be changed without changing our thinking.” Albert Einstein
You need courage, perseverance. determination and also to enjoy what you are doing. That doesn’t mean that it won’t feel difficult at times, usually at the start. Most of us wish for instant results so we give up easily when what we are looking for, takes more time. Be realistic and hang out with people who will hang in with you and support and role model that it’s also fun to make changes.
Otherwise, we really think we want to change, but then we get scared at the prospect or convince ourselves that we can’t do it. We become uncertain, doubts creep in and we give up and persuade ourselves it wasn’t really important.
As a Process Oriented Psychologist, I always think its important to process the other side. Ask yourself questions like; What stops you from making this change? Do you really believe you can’t, and if so, why? What are you fearful of? Many of us of fearful of failing or of making a fool of ourselves.
Did you have a family history where change never really happened or you were told you couldn’t change? Why do you procrastinate or give up on yourself? Do you believe you are not worth it? You may be convinced you want to change, but it’s safer and more comfortable to stay as you are. Do you really want to make that change or do others want you to?
You may have your own questions that you would like to answer, either on your own or with a therapist. We all have ‘missing patterns’ and sometimes literally don’t know how to change. So getting support and also practical wisdom from someone who does know, is vital.
“If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude.” Maya Angelou