FACT SHEET
Sydney Counselling/Therapy
Practical Skills for Conflict Resolution in Relationships and Marriage

You can attend on your own or with your partner for Marriage Counselling or Relationships Therapy at Sydney Counselling.

  1. Talk with the other person so that they are involved with your ongoing inner process, rather than going away and making decisions about what you want, in isolation from them.
  2. Notice any communication signals that 'cools things down' between you both rather than continuing to 'heat things up' eg. Notice your own or the other person's de-escalation signals such as an apology, a change of tone or emotion, looking down etc.
  3. Notice and make space for a different style of communication. This helps process conflict, rather than insisting on only one dominant style.
  4. Be open to picking up the other person's accusation about you, as it can cool the conflict. Even if you don't believe it, it's useful to pick up 1 percent of the accusation, out of a sense of curiosity of 'how come this person thinks/feels this about me.' Be open to talking about it by thinking, 'even if this is not true right now, where or when could it be true.'
  5. Be aware if either of you are not relating to each other's feedback. Being more in touch with the changes in the relationship communication helps prevent the recycling of the 'fight'. Ways to 'drop the fight' in the moment, include speaking personally and making "I" statements, rather than blaming statements, eg 'I feel this ' rather than 'you did this or you did that'.
  6. Try to keep some awareness of your own edges in the middle of 'hotspots'. Slow down if things are getting too fast and do some inner work on the spot.
  7. As well as picking up 'your own side', also step into the other person's shoes and understand and pick up their side as well
  8. Watch out for 'attack and defend cycles' and 'pursue and withdraw' cycles.
  9. See if you can work with the edges that arise in the conflict and notice if you share the same edge or have differing edges.
  10. Think of the relationship conflict as a spiritual warriorship training and a great opportunity for you to find out more about yourself.

Get used to the heat. If your goal is to avoid or suppress conflict, you'll consistently feel discouraged, angry and frustrated. Its not that conflict arises, its how we deal with it and reach temporary resolutions so it doesn't endlessly recycle. Don't recycle if resolution has been reached


Contact Sherry Marshall at Sydney Process Counselling & Therapy
if you have any questions or want more information please do not hesitate to email her
Phone 0411 155 091
Email: sherrymarshall@optusnet.com.au

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